Day 492: Nov 4 2010. “The Wasteland”

If you’ve followed along with me on this journey you know I have sensed a darkness coming, an approaching storm. Texas isn’t what I expected and I’m taking a huge financial hit. As fuel to the fire, my spirit is restless. No, actually it’s downright agitated and I don’t know why. However, there are a few frustrations I’ve been dealing with.

I’m still on the road and winter is soon approaching. I know we’re not supposed to dread but I’m dreading another winter living in this van with no heat. And then there’s the holidays, I’ll be alone for thanksgiving and my only hope for Christmas is to find an open campground with electricity. Yup, that’s what I want for Christmas…heat! Then of course there’s the financial thing. Let’s top off the frustration list with “I still can’t find any of my new family”. Then again, I don’t know if they would even want to meet me. And of course there are big things still weighing on me; the seriousness of Kim’s illness and the loss of my father and of the dream of my Hallmark Christmas.

I’m spiritually dry, not sensing God, so you know what that means, keep doing what he said the last time whether I want to or not. I have grown so accustomed to His presence; it’s hard when I can’t feel him there. Yes, I know he is but there’s nothing like the sensing presence of God.

I am definitely in a wasteland.

“…every test in the WasteLand is this: When God seems absent and everything is going wrong, will you still trust God enough to patiently allow Him to prepare you or what’s ahead?”

Bruce Wilkinson The Dream Giver

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