Day 226: Feb 11, 2010. “Living unloved”

My living unloved makes me go into myself and focus on the negative. God loves us no matter what, but often we can’t see it or don’t want to. We fear being hurt, or taken outside our comfort zone, of giving up the things that help us run and hide; anything to protect our hearts from further pain. When I feel less loved I get self destructive. I remain alone, over eat, work too much or wallow in self pity.

I must say this is scary; I have no idea what I’ll have to endure or what circumstance I’ll be put in that will allow me to trust. I’ve been in some difficult places with you Jesus, especially these past couple years, in order for you to get me to trust you and to let you love me. I know I will be challenged to get out of my comfort zone many times throughout my life. But I will learn to endure.

I want relationship with You and Your people. That s what I’m meant for, what we’re all meant for. I don’t want to just live only in my little world. I love this journey I’m on but it’s lonely. I think of the trip west with my girls and even though we argued, frustrated each other, lived in a compact car, the journey was shared and that’s what made it special. I have loved being on this journey and do want to continue but I would love to have people join me.

It’s better to have a partner than go it alone.
Share the work, share the wealth.
And if one falls down, the other helps,
But if there’s no one to help, tough!

By yourself you’re unprotected.
With a friend you can face the worst.
Can you round up a third?
A three-stranded rope isn’t easily snapped.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10,12

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