Day 221: Feb 6, 2010. “Sadness and hope”

I still find myself doubting God’s love most of the time. I thought I had overcome this way of thinking, moved beyond negativity and self destruction, but since Christmas I’ve been clouded in darkness, haunted by the past and brought down by freezing temps, poor health and financial lack. I have no determination because I have no dream to pursue. All I see is the darkness of winter no black or white, only shades of gray and sepia. My heart is burdened; with what I don’t really know. There is no reason for this deep sadness, no cause. I have no basis to feel anything but joy and gratitude but yet it exists.

Even so, I have learned so much, I don’t want to go around this mountain again. It may be dark but you are there Jesus and I know the light will shine again. I cast away all these demons of darkness that haunt me, that cloud my vision and cloak me in negativity, illness and loss of hope.

I look to you Jesus and there I find not shades of gray but a rainbow of color guiding my path once again. Thank you Jesus for never letting go, for pulling me out of the haze and back to you.

For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.      2 Corinthians 4:6

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