Day 102: Oct 10. “The long road to reconciliation”

I survived the cold, and this was a good experience for me, it showed I can endure more than I thought. This would prove to be a valuable lesson in the upcoming months. Nevertheless, I was still in my pouty mood.

I drive up the north shore again, I thought, “I’ll checkout some RV parks I missed driving in the dark last night.” Found one for $26.00/night, yikes, better than freezing. Then I find out the bathrooms are closed for the season so I move on. Next is Gooseberry Falls State Park, maybe they have off season rates like Indiana’s state parks. The girl was so nice and the rates were good, then I verified “you do have electric sites – right?” Nope, but she recommended a few parks that did and that weren’t closed for the season. First stop, Wildhurst Lodge and Campground. Hey, have heated showers, electricity and a beautiful rustic lodge. This place is so gorgeous. The campground is way off the beaten path and the sites are secluded. It’s the peacefulness of the wilderness I’ve been looking for. “Jesus, would you give me this place? Oh yeah, I’m not talking to you”. Ok, I’m still angry, but getting over it. Now the guilt sets in.

Jesus gave me life and he died so I can have life and I’m angry over a motel room? He has given me so much on this trip and never failed to protect and provide. Who has the right to be angry with God? Not me, what a dork. Now combined with lingering anger is guilt, humiliation and self loathing. After all I’ve learned, will I ever grow up?

October snow, Minnesota's North Shore

Wildhurst Lodge & Campground, Superior National Forest

The “innkeeper” gives me directions to find moose, a restaurant about 30 miles from nowhere and a beautiful scenic drive. No moose but by the time I get back I’m thanking and praising God for all this. But yet the guilt and self loathing remain – knowing me, they will be my companions for some time. Guess I need to trust God with this too.

I’ve also thinking of my mom who died 22 years ago this morning. I realize the false guilt I carried over her passing has passed. For the first time I wasn’t overwhelmed with sadness as I had been in past years. I’ve given these feelings over to Jesus so many times but during my preparation for this trip each time Jesus brought up the issue and dealt with it. I believe he has healed me of this sadness. I know he will also heal me of my current state of sadness over being angry with him.

This is evidence that no matter how far we come with Jesus, we will always be moving forward. Even at times when we slip up He is there to pick us back up again, if we let Him.

“O God my rock,” I cry, “Why have you forgotten me? Why must I wander around in grief, oppressed by my enemies?”

Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again—
my Savior and my God! Now I am deeply discouraged, but I will remember you—

Psalm 42:9,5-6a

Advertisements

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s